The 1937 edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People sold only 5,000 copies. Dale Carnegie and Simon & Schuster, the publishers, had no higher expectations than this tiny sale. To their surprise, the book immediately gained popularity, prompting the production of successive editions to meet the public’s growing demand.
In publishing history, How to Win Friends and Influence People became one of the best-selling books worldwide. As seen by its continuous and unbroken sales until the 1980s, over 50 years later, it struck a chord and satisfied a human need that went beyond a passing craze of the post-Depression era.
Making a million dollars is easier than putting a phrase into the English language, according to Dale Carnegie. The phrase “How to Win Friends and Influence People” has been used in countless contexts, ranging from political cartoons to novels, and it has been paraphrased, quoted, and parodied. The book itself has been translated into nearly every written language in existence. Every age has rediscovered it and deemed it relevant.
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About The Author
Despite being a pioneer of the self-improvement genre, Dale Carnegie (1888–1955) referred to himself as a “simple country boy” from Missouri. Millions of people have been impacted by him since the 1936 release of his debut book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and his timeless writings still influence people’s lives today.
Review
The book offered guidance on how to overcome shyness and establish friendships, but ultimately, it caused more harm than good. The book advised being agreeable to everyone, finding something to like about them, and complimenting them on it.
It also advised talking only about their interests and acting like people-pleasers. This approach may seem harmless or attractive in theory, but applying it in daily life can lead to dangerous results. For example, after being a smiley, happy person with many friends for a year, the author realized that being agreeable to everyone else rarely got their way and that they maintained friendships with self-centered people.
The book also disregarded their redeeming qualities, leading to a lack of relationships with good people. The author believes that to win friends, one must be honest and risk rejection, and that the only fair way to influence people is through honesty.
The book encourages manipulation and pretending, but it is not a good guide for those seeking courage in approaching people. Instead, there are better ways to gain courage and avoid the negative effects of the book on one’s character.
Summary
Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, provides valuable advice for building stronger relationships. The book outlines techniques for handling people, such as not criticizing, condemning, or complaining, giving honest and sincere appreciation, and arousing an eager want in the other person.
It also discusses six ways to make people like you, such as becoming genuinely interested in others, smiling, being a good listener, talking in terms of the other person’s interests, and making them feel important.
To win people to your way of thinking, it is essential to avoid arguments and show respect for the other person’s opinions. Begin in a friendly way, let the other person do most of the talking, and try honestly to see things from their perspective. Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires, appeal to nobler motives, dramatize your ideas, and throw down a challenge.
Being a leader involves starting with praise and honest appreciation, indirectly calling attention to people’s mistakes, asking questions instead of giving direct orders, allowing the other person to save face, and praising the slightest improvement. Carnegie emphasizes that people are emotional creatures, driven by pride and vanity.
The key to influencing others is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. The key to success is the ability to understand the perspective of others and approach situations from both their perspective and your own.
In summary, Dale Carnegie’s book offers valuable insights into how to win friends and influence people, emphasizing the importance of understanding and forgiving others.
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Quick Synopsis
- Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain
- Give Honest, Sincere, Appreciation
- Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
- Become Genuinely Interested In Other People
- Smile
- Be A Good Listener. Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves
- Talk In Terms Of The Other Person’s Interests
- Make The Other Person Feel Important, And Do It Sincerely
- The Only Way To Get The Best Of An Argument Is To Avoid It
- Show Respect For The Other Person’s Opinion. Never Say, “You’re Wrong.”
- If You Are Wrong Admit It Quickly And Emphatically
- Begin In A Friendly Manner
- Get The Other Person Saying “Yes, Yes”
- Let The Other Person Do A Great Deal Of The Talking
- Let The Other Person Feel That The Idea Is His Or Hers
- Try Honestly To See Things From The Other Person’s Point Of View
- Be Sympathetic With The Other Person’s Ideas And Desires
- Appeal To The Nobler Motives
- Dramatize Your Ideas
- Throw Down A Challenge
- Begin With Praise And Honest Appreciation
- Call Attention To People’s Mistakes Indirectly
- Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing The Other Person
- Ask Questions Instead Of Giving Direct Orders
- Let The Other Person Save Face
- Praise the slightest improvement, and praise every improvement. Be “Hearty In Your Approbation And Lavish In Your Praise”.
- Give The Other Person A Fine Reputation To Live Up To
- Use Encouragement. Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct
- Make The Other Person Happy About Doing The Thing You Suggest
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